Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Alive.
So much puke
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
