Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
