is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
