thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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