Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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