Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Panties = found
Randomize
