I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize