Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
