Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
