Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize