1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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