so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My penis needs a shock collar
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Shame - the story of my life.
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