You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
