I got chris browned last night
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
