this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
