no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
