new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
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