I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
