I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
