Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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