dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize