The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
