I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
