seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
