dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
