I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
