Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize