Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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