these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
