Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize