The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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