weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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