I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
