I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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