I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i came on her dog
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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