My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
