get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
