Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
