He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Vodka?
Forever.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
