I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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