so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
