Cold hands, warm shart.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
