I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i think my cat just said my name.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
