Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
