Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
