it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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