new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
