did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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