I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
