I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Fuck appropriateness.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
