the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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