Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I want her autograph on my taint
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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