nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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