Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
