You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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