I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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