He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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