haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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