I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
