:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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