apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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