would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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