I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize