I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
