Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
