Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
