I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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